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When rummaging through old files . . .
Rules of "gooder" grammar
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 'course these days you're just as likely to see confusion among there, their and they're.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Unless you are Winston Churchill, "This is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put."
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. But I'm sure lots of writers do it?
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Yeah, if you're writing Latin.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific. Vague ambiguity is much more fun to puzzle out
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. Guilty.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Or redundant tautology
10 No sentence fragments. Guilty again.
11 Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12 Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13 Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14 One should NEVER generalise. See number seven.
15 Comparisons are as bad as cliches. Metaphor is more demanding
16 Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points !!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. Ha, ha.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." See number two.
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. Augh.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions ?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
AND FINALLY....
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. I often words out.
author unknown: circulated by e-mail
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 'course these days you're just as likely to see confusion among there, their and they're.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Unless you are Winston Churchill, "This is the sort of nonsense up with which I will not put."
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. But I'm sure lots of writers do it?
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Yeah, if you're writing Latin.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific. Vague ambiguity is much more fun to puzzle out
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. Guilty.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Or redundant tautology
10 No sentence fragments. Guilty again.
11 Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12 Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13 Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14 One should NEVER generalise. See number seven.
15 Comparisons are as bad as cliches. Metaphor is more demanding
16 Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points !!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. Ha, ha.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." See number two.
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. Augh.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions ?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
AND FINALLY....
34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. I often words out.
author unknown: circulated by e-mail
2 comments:
no. 6 - brilliant! :)
Thanks for stopping by Danielle.
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